Dear Courtney,
My boyfriend and I have been living together for a few years and also have a child together. He has decided that he wants to move out of state and wants me to go with him. I told him that I would only go if he made a commitment to me. He then told me that it's not fair for me to impose something like that on a person I care about. I don't think that it's fair for him to expect me to drop everything and move to another state, leave my job, family, and friends behind, because he has a whim. I have also told him that a commitment is something that is very important to me and he just said that he's not ready yet. Please let me know what you think.
Thankyou,
The Imposer 37, WI
Dear Imposer,
What do I think? I think that he's not ready. I also think that if you push it, he'll either feel pressured or he'll leave.. either way, you'll be very unhappy. However, I ALSO think that fair is fair.. and he shouldn't ask you to make such a major life change without some sort of 'collateral'. Notice that I am not even mentioning 'love' in this situation. Because if the two of you were madly in love with each other... NONE of this would be an issue. You would gladly follow him... to the ends of the earth... and HE would insist on marrying you before beginning your new life together in another state. Have I made my point?
Your e-love advisor,
Courtney
Courtney,
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 17 months. like most relationships, our started out great. We had so many laughs and trusted each other 100%. there were no huge fights for the first six months. Then I was hit with a ton of bricks and he told me that he had cheated on me. I would not have thought twice about him if it weren't for the fact that he came to me and told me right away. then for about two months after that he went through this "I'm not sure what I want....I'm still young." so I gave him the space he wanted during all that. Then after a while we talked through it and decided to date again. Once again, things were going great up until two months ago. I hit my stage of not knowing what I wanted and I broke up with him. we only broke up for about two weeks without actually seeing each other at all during that time. during that time i was away visiting friends at college. i missed him so much but also kept myself incredibly busy. he ended up coming down to where i was staying for the last weekend i was there and told me he misses me and loves me. so once again we got back together. we disucessed people we had been interested in during the two week break and we both were ok with it all. the girls that he had been interested in works at a bar across the street from him and he had gone there about three times since we've been back together. the last time he went i asked him if he's seen her since we were broke up and he said no that she no longer works there. well, i found out from one of his friends by accident that she was there every time he's gone and they talk quite a bit. Now I'm not worried about him seeing her there or talking to her but what i don't understand is why he feels like he needed to lie to me about something so stupid. he's had a problem with lying ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS IN THE PAST. i CAN'T STAND LIES NO MATTER HOW LITTLE OR BIG THEY ARE. mY QUESTION IS IS IF i AM REALY OVER REACTING OR SHOULD i MOVE ON SINCE HE DOES HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BEING TRUTHFUL ABOUT THE LITTLE STUFF?
D. 20, WI
Dear D,
I agree that lies are a poor basis for a relationship, but I think his lie was more 'protective' than deceptive. He was just getting back together with you... and he didn't want to ruin the reconciliation by telling you about something that happened that could affect his future with you. Sure you could walk away because he kept things from you, but before you do.. ask him what his motivation was. Talking is just talking... maybe he had not fully ended things with her... and was looking for closure. I believe that everything deserves one mistake... it's only after the 3rd or 4th that you should start looking in the mirror!
Your e-love advisor,
Courtney!
Dear Courtney,
I met this guy on spring break last year and we spent all of our time with eachother. We talk to eachother on the phone everyday and i've visited him 2times in NY and hes come here once. We both really like eachother but i'm here in Wi and he's out in NY. He says that hes not ready for anything serious and to let what happens happen with us. I'm falling in love with him and am ready to move out to NY so we could be closer and see if there is anything. Should I move or just see what happensS?
Immogen, 22, WI
Dear I,
NO! Definitely do NOT move out to NY! You will be a very disappointed and lonely girl! I don't think that a Spring Break romance merits a move out of state... especially, when the other party is backing away! He's right. See what happens. Let things develop naturally and slowly, via phone, letter, email, occasional (!) visits. If he's the love of your life... he'll still be there in a month or a year. If he's not, you'll find that out soon enough... without the financial and emotional expense of uprooting your life!
Your e-love advisor,
Courtney!
Dear Courtney,
my girlfriend said that she loved me and all she still does but some ppl that like me 2nd or something keep on sayin that she doesnt like me. who should i beleave??? also do u think that they can be tryin 2 break us up???
B. 16, WI
Dear B,
I hardly think that your friends can speak for your gf! If she says she loves you, believe her until she's proven wrong. There is nothing worse than making decisions based on the opinions of well meaning friends! If you trust her enough to be your girlfriend, then you should trust what she tells you. Chances are, there's a little voice deep down telling you whether or not you FEEL loved by her. Listen to THAT voice, not the voices of your friends!
Your e-love advisor,
Courtney!
