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NOTE: The spelling and grammar of questions sent to Courtney have not been
corrected, they are printed verbatim as Courtney receives them.
Dear Courtney,
hi ther courtney i met a guy that comes in to my work all the time and for 9 months now we been kinda flirty and all. now he asked me no big hes 35 i am 23 is that a problem. I like him we mesh well and have a ton in common. my fear is i been hurt many times and I dont wanna put myself in a postion to be hurt again i been cheated on and used and to be honest I am 23 I know what I want and thats to settle down and make a life with some one. is that such a bad thing?
S. 24 WI
Dear S.
You're on the right track. But if you want to put yourself in a position where you will never be hurt again, then you might as well pack up, move to the mountains of North Dakota where you can live in a shack, write your manifesto and never have human interaction again. You will be hurt again, as we all will, but it's learning from the pain and mistakes that we grow and become mature people. Go for it. Age doesn't matter.
Your E-Love Advisor,
Courtney
Dear Courtney,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years now. He's so boring sometimes but I love him. My best friend since kindergarden all the sudden started showing interest in me. He doesn't want a relationship he just wants sex, no strings attached, but I want the same thing from him. Is this a bad thing? I'm torn, I want to have my thing with him but I love my boyfriend. I know I'm such a bad girl. What should I do?
J. 20 IN
Dear J.
Shame on you for asking for permission to cheat on the man you love. Well, I'm not going to give it. If you aren't being sexually satisfied in your current relationship then you should be having a discussion with your boyfriend...the one you "love" remember?
Your E-Love Advisor,
Courtney
Dear Courtney,
My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 6mo now. We met on an internet dating site, which we both canceled during the first month of dating. Things have been going well until recently when he told me that he and his friends belong to another site and he's been getting emails from girls that are interested in dating him. He said he joined the site to keep in touch with friends from school, but he hasn't been doing that. I viewed his profile and he's listed as "Single" when there's an option of being listed as "In a relationship". I got upset and told him that I felt uncomfortable with him having a website where girls think he's single and are sending him emails, he acted like I was making a big deal about it. Am I just being paranoid? I feel like he's cheating on me or could cheat on me.
G. 28 IL
Dear G.
Without knowing the specifics of your relationship and both of your family patterns, it is tough to assess your situation. Nonetheless, there is a reason why he chose to click on "Single" as opposed to "In a Relationship" on the website. That was a conscious choice that involved a thinking and decision-making process. Therefore, on the surface there are two possibilities that I see.
The first is that your ideas are correct. I would not go so far as to say that he is "cheating" physically, yet the fact that his is "fishing" for opportunities is alarming. The second possibility is that he is feeling "boxed-in" in the relationship and is wondering if he is still a candidate on the singles scene before makes the final commitment. He might be seeing if he is still "marketable." In other words, he may be testing the waters to see if he made the right choice by getting involved with you.
The good news is that he obviously chose you six months ago for many reasons. Therefore, look close at yourself and what parts you play in the relationship and make sure that you are giving him the various support and reassurance that he needs (and that he is doing the same for you) to feel comfortable with you. If this is a void in the relationship, then you are already on the way to breaking up. At that point you have two choices, get counseling or work together to make the relationship a go, or break it off and move on with your lives.
Your E-Love Advisor,
Courtney
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